Drowning

It’s a pretty long way down from where I used to be and I can't really see the bottom either.

It's like falling into the ocean and sinking helplessly into a bottomless abyss when I can actually swim. There's a battle between my head that shouts "SWIM!" and my body that refuses to respond. I'm fully aware of where I am, where I should be and what I need to do to get there. Yet, there seems to be a kink somewhere along my synapses and my head can't communicate with my body. It's weird.

It's been going on for some time and I'd better snap outta this quick before I hit the bottom, which I've been warned - is not gonna be pretty.

How did I get from there to here? And so fast? This time... my resolute self is not working.

I think God decided to use Ziggy to teach me a lesson over the weekend in KL. He's been having major separation anxiety and barks like mad whenever I leave him - much to the annoyance of my dad and maybe neighbours.

Funnily, everytime I was exasperated to my wits' end trying to get him to shut up... a small voice in my heart kept saying - Just pray for him. Like I said before, the synapses won’t click and I just couldn't or refused to do it.

But finally, I got the synapses linked and uttered a short prayer for Ziggy. I'm sure y'all know what's next. Yeah, he's been an angel ever since… still yaps a bit occasionally but better. I am a little amused at how God has really gone out of His way to affirm that despite how far I've fallen, He's still just a prayer away... even if it’s for my dog.

So much has been happening at work and it has definitely eaten into me. After my much needed weekend in KL, I came back and realised what a horrible person I've become. There was no love, kindness, patience, grace, understanding... just a nasty, bitter b***h. An ugly person that I don't recognise.

But thank God for this weekend. It was good time away from Ipoh and good time with my closest friends. Friends who spend time to encourage me over coffee on a storming Sunday afternoon that's perfect for sleeping. Friends who try their very best to stay awake to pillowtalk some sense into my head. Friends who are always there, no questions asked. God given friends.

So yeah... it's been an awakening weekend graced by God. I guess it's time to start swimming.